Miscarriage, The Silent Grief
(2023) - work in progress
Following her own miscarriage at 11.5 weeks in 2022, Rachael Munro-Fawcett has since been collecting photographs and stories from women with lived experience of miscarriage. Rachael and the women she is working with all share the hope that in telling their stories, it will address the stigma surrounding miscarriage and offer a better understanding of how women can be supported post miscarriage, with a particular focus on women's mental health and wellbeing.
The women photographed are from Rachael's community of family, friends and peers.
For anyone needing support after miscarriage you can reach out to Tommys or The Miscarriage Association.
“Miscarriage is not a linear journey and there are a lot of ups and downs on the way. After my miscarriage my mental health was the worst it’s ever been in my life and I really struggled with this. I started to feel things I’d never felt before like a complete lack of control of my mind and body and I felt like there just wasn’t enough help or information out there for me to really understand why I was feeling the way I was. So I went through therapy and got some help because I just couldn’t get out of the cycle of feeling very low, worthless, hormonal and really paranoid of my symptoms.
I think miscarriage is such an individual experience, especially for a woman because you feel it both physically and emotionally. But even though it was such a personal thing to go through, I found a lot of strength and solace in speaking to my friends who had either been though the same experience or knew someone who had. Coming together like this as women, gave me what I needed to keep moving forward and to know that there was light at the end of the tunnel.
The narrative around miscarriage is evolving and I do see the different conversations that are happening between different generations. But the conversation needs to go even further so it becomes the norm to talk about something like this, because so many people experience it. Women need to feel supported in the language surrounding miscarriage so it’s not negative and women don’t end up feeling isolated and like their miscarriage was their fault. In such difficult times, what women need is to feel lifted by others, mentally and physically.”- Anna, self-employed. Missed miscarriage at 6 weeks.
"I’ll never get the date May 12th out my head, the date I had to give birth. I was 20 weeks pregnant when the doctors told me that the baby wouldn’t survive outside of me. In the days leading up to giving birth I just wanted it all over and done with and to try again, but afterwards I felt an enormous guilt that I hadn’t acknowledged the baby on the day, I just wanted it hidden away from me. I called the hospital the next day to find out the sex of the baby, this is when I really broke down.
I didn’t tell many people about the miscarriage and looking back I wish I’d told more friends but with it being a taboo subject, people don’t really want you to talk about it, they don’t want to talk about depressing things. But we need to talk about it, not to tell horror stories to pregnant women as this is something I’m very conscious not to do, but because it's a reality which you never really hear of. When I was giving birth I had no idea I had to go through what I did, so the more the different stages of miscarriage are spoken about, it should be helpful for other women.
I can remember at the time, my sister bought me a baby loss bear and as nice as that sentiment was, I hated that bear. I didn’t want to look at it, it made me so angry so I ended up taking it to a charity shop to get it out the house. People think they’re being helpful by saying things to you like, “at least you know you can get pregnant”, but this isn’t helpful. It's as if people are dismissing the first baby. The way that people can support women post miscarriage is to keep asking the person what they want to talk about or what they want to do and just be there for that person. People can end up wanting to be alone in their grief and thoughts but once you open up, you start to understand how many other people have been through miscarriage or know someone who has. So talk more, it's good to talk because it normalises it and miscarriage should be normalised because it happens every single day.
I’m not religious but everytime I go into a church I light a candle for that baby. There are so many different ways of miscarriages, a miscarriage further down the line at 20 weeks doesn’t make it any different to a month down the line as either way it’s still your baby. And it’s not just your baby, it's your hope too.” - Leah, employed. Miscarriage at 20 weeks.
“Miscarriage can be a really dark time and can affect people’s mental health in so many different ways. Even if somebody seems ok on the outside, chances are they’re probably not. The thing that really sticks in my mind, is that people would say to me “but you’ve already got one child” as if losing two was somehow easier. I think people think it’s a lesser type of grief because it’s like an invisible loss and nobody else can see it. And this can lead to a lot of anxiety and feeling like you shouldn’t be as upset as what you actually are, because society deems it as a lesser loss.
Miscarriage needs to be spoken about so much more openly instead of this secret grief that women feel they have to carry with them and keep to themselves. It shouldn’t be kept secret because you should be able to feel your grief and process it in any way you need to. I feel like if there was more support for women going through miscarriage in the same way there is for people who lose living loved ones, then women may feel less isolated. It can be such a lonely time feeling like you’re the only one experiencing this huge loss, when actually miscarriage is so common and so many women are navigating this journey. I think if it was more acceptable to talk about miscarriage then women may feel empowered to do so which might help to process these raw emotions.
My advice for anyone trying to support someone after miscarriage is just to listen and try and not say words to help fix things, because its not something that can be fixed. Just be there for that person and listen to their feelings”. - Riva. Doctor. Two missed miscarriages at 9 and 12 weeks.